kelly muscolo, week 1, "Startling News" (story #2)

Recent studies have proven that, despite many misconceptions, white men can't jump. Upon reviewing countless sport tapes and conducting an impressive amount of interviews, researchers and the general population are stunned at the results - never has a white man successfully lifted off the ground of his own accord.

Travis read with intensity. How could this be? he thought to himself. Frantically recalling childhood memories, he searched his mental catalog for a time he had accomplished this elevation technique. He squinted his eyes. Nothing.

Throwing the paper on the ground, Travis stood on his feet and bent his knees. Grunting, he focused his energy upwards, swung his arms, and fell down. He gasped in disbelief, and tried again. It was to no avail.

White boys can't jump, can they? he murmured to himself. Well, they can run. He swung open the front door and bolted out to the street. There, he found 30, 40, maybe even 50 white men outside, running from one to another, breathing heavily all the while. Some had the article in their hands.

Shrieking and cursing, the mob of men (of which Travis became a part) ran forward as a giant pulsating organism, determined to disprove the alleged fact.

When they reached the town plaza, it was teeming with bodies - all of them white, all of them male. Some were younger - still in elementary school. Others were dusted with age, which had crumpled their bodies and stolen their teeth.

One man, obviously larger than the rest, demanded attention with his booming, commanding voice.

There is but one solution to this blasphemous account on the physical limitations of the white man! We must show the world what they deny - WE SHALL JUMP!

The energy of the mob exploded. Some men were waving their fists in the air. Some were screaming. A few were crying.

On three! the leader hollered, voice brimming with anguish and hope.

One!

Two!

Threeeee!

Those who attempted the impossible fell. Those who did not stood silently, taking in the carnage.

Slowly, everyone dispersed. Instead of running, they all walked home.