Monday, April 9, 2007

Obscure Symmetry

On the top of a hill, rooted in the earth, rests a short broad cherry tree in full blossom. The intricately weaving branches create a canopy that covers the whole of the wide hill under its mesh of dark green, rough brown, and fresh red. Under the broad expanse of this motionless tree rests a hardened wooden bench. On this bench sleeps a young man, his head pitched forward, resting on his chest, his hands laying at his side. His palms face up, as if his eyes were captured looking up at the tree and he was exclaiming, "What beauty!" holding out his hands in a gesture of awe and gratitude as if he could hold the essence of this moment in his outstretched hands.

This was not so, but the sun creeping over the horizon and the obscure symmetry of the day illuminates the canopy of the cherry tree. The refraction of light between the leaves and flower petals makes the tree glow as if lighted from within. Below the canopy, resting upon the trees root structure, the bench and the young man are still shrouded in nights fading darkness.

A small brown bird emerges from the surrounding forest below the hill, drawn to the tree by its luminosity in a landscape still waiting for light. Searching for the source of the warm glow of the tree, and captured by the smell of the flowers, the bird hops around the tree branches, anxiously chirping in its confusion. At first only a single petal is shaken loose, falling straight down towards the earth.

The chirping has awakened the young man on the park bench where he slept alone in the cold of the previous night. The landscape of his dark dreams begins to fade. His eyes still closed, he raises his head to smell the scent of wet, cherry blossoms. The red petal brushes his nose before coming to rest in his lap. Still caught between the realms of nights' dreams and days' awakenings, he half imagines, half wishes that the tickle at the tip of his nose was an eyelash blinking him a butterfly kiss. He smiles before he opens his eyes, but only half expects another pair of searching lost eyes to meet his own. Only half disappointed at this absence, he raises his gaze to the sound that had awakened him from his imagined bliss of another reality.

He sees the still dark, blue-white sky in the intermittent gaps between the tightly woven branches, the brilliance of colors brought to full fruition by the morning sun, the half hidden form of a bird hopping between branches and, falling towards him, brilliant red petals, like so many drops of blood. The wind is utterly still and the obscure symmetry of the new day allows the petals to flutter, but not change course at they fall straight down in perfect lines. He observes that the red petals are too heavily beautiful for the tree to bear under the sunlight’s' weightless luminosity, as a cascade of red falls around him. As time passes, the sun illuminates the young man and the park bench and later the entire hill. The bird grows tired of its search and flies away heading east. In that moment the young man knows he will someday look back on this moment with nostalgia, but not because of the unshaken petals weighing down the cherry tree, or the unfinished bed of red on the dew dropped grass, but because of how freely the bird flies from the tree and disappears into the woods, chirping to anyone who would hear.

2 comments:

Alyssa said...

In Lee Beltrand Chan’s Obscure Symmetry, the story dealt with a cherry blossom tree and the freedom of nature compared to human life. At least, at first read that is what I interpreted from it. Yet, to be honest the story was a little confusing to me. There is obvious symbolism but it doesn’t seem to be popping out for me. I think because of that there needs to be more hints or more detail to the story. It’s good that it’s short, it seems that this story is meant to be short, but there still needs to be something more to it, although I can’t quite put my finger on what.
Yet, I like your writing style and you brought brilliant imagery to the story. I wish I could understand more about the story’s symbolism and I would also like to know more about the lost eyes, more about this fellows past considering much of the story has to do with a scene that shall soon by nostalgic to the man. I’d like to relate more to the character.
Overall, I would like to see more in the story because I think it is an interesting and could be deeply moving story, if only there were more points to be made with the fellows past and a more popping symbolic meaning.

Erin Stimmler said...

In Obscure Symmetry i felt an odd sense that i was reading a poetic peice, rather than some sort of story. I think that there is a story within this beautifully described scene but i dont think that the story is addressed within what has been written. The dream like quality that the author has been able to catch is very pretty and flows very nicely. However there is a crux, or dilema, that i think is missing. Why is not so much of importance as how might be. How did this man get to where he is, what is going on in his mind. There is a mention of the petals falling looking much like blood, but how is this something that is relevant to the essence of the peice. I feel that in this peice it might not be necessary to know exactly who the character is (meaning a name or personality) but a reason is what is missing, both from the scene and the person.
I also feel that there is a certain amount of difference from the first and opening paragraph and the second and body paragraphs. There is an air of beauty, mystery, even romance, that is hinted at in the first paragraph and then in the second the author simply states that this is not so. I am left wondering what this menas, what is not so, is it the beauty? After this the flow of the peice again picks up and continues to establish a scene but not a plot.
I look forward to seeing what kind of an improvement could be made on the current scene that you have developed.