Critical Response to Kelly Muscolo's untitled Story

This story brought up many interesting and contemporary points of view with a variety of characters. And there are many – what I like to call – “hot spots” sprinkled throughout the story. I liked the part in the beginning where Susan is packing her things. I think the disassociation the character displays is interesting and provides the reader with a sense of what kind of place she’s living in and the people that she interacts with. Another hot spot was Susan’s internal monologue while she’s calling her father. This was the part that I liked the best out of the whole story because it’s an experience that every reader can identify with. As far as the drug use in the story is concerned, the characters each have their own take on it, ranging from extreme aversion of it to a milder acceptance.
The story as a whole, however, seems to lack continuity or coherency along with “hit-and-run” characters. The first half of the story implies that the story is about social misconceptions about drug, specifically marijuana, use and the narrator’s descent into the drug culture. This is a good angle for a story reminiscent of “Requiem For A Dream”, but it is cut short and goes off into a tangential story told by the father. This kind of structure sets the story up to be possibly split into two different stories which, in this case, would both be stories that I think would be worth reading. But, to make the first half of the story stronger, consider giving the reader a better sense of setting and character. The reader only gets to really see Susan’s cousin, Jennifer, who isn’t mentioned anywhere else in the story. And besides the father’s house, the reader has to nearly create their own image of what San Francisco and the narrator’s mother’s house look like. Choosing which characters you want to play an important role and having their personalities developed throughout the story would also help with making the story more streamlined and coherent. Some of the character’s responses and actions don’t seem to match up with their personalities, such as with the father – who seems to be pretty uptight – being completely okay with his daughter smoking pot, while the lesbian mother who lives in the Bay Area is too closed minded to do so.
As for the second half of the story, the mob aspects of the family need to be played up and possibly researched. I really liked the scene in the restaurant, but the encounter with Michael and the other mobster seems a bit forced and bland. Again, I’d like to see these guys. Are they heavy set? Ratty looking? Do they smell like pasta sauce? And I’d also like to know what kind of story was behind the father’s mob connections. Its just a little vague and I think that story could even be a story in itself. Overall, and considering each half of the story as two separate stories, I enjoyed them, but the missing aspects take away from what could be a pair of great stories.