Green Morning

Green Morning
By Josh Simon
Janet awoke one morning and didn’t feel quite right. She looked down and saw her arms become sticky, skunky smelling leaves. Her feet had ceased to exist as the lower portion of her body was oval like and covered in yellow and orange hairs. She looked under her leafy arms and saw endless crystals inside. She tried to get out of bed, but she was too sticky to release herself from the sheets until five minutes later after tugging hard.
Janet walked down the stairs and every step made her feel like she was stuck to the ground absorbing the candid forces of gravity. She poured herself a bowl of cereal and found that to be about as successful as her bed experience. She was confused.
Janet remembered coming home the night before after a long day at work. She had come home, sat down with a beer, and light up a fat joint. The pungent smell and taste of cannabis ran through her veins and lungs as she relaxed and felt herself sink into the loveseat. Janet loved pot. She had been a fan since college and although she was now a career women with a job, house and BMW, she just couldn’t shake the innocuous habit.
Her roommate bill was another story. Bill also loved pot. Maybe more then Janet. Bill never really had a steady job and had run-ins with the law since he was a child. His favorite thing on earth was to wake up, take a shower, and smoke before breakfast.
As Janet sat in her kitchen contemplating just what she had become, things weren’t fitting. She couldn’t stop smelling skunk even after putting a bandana over her nose and mouth. She couldn’t hold utensils properly because they just stuck to her leafy hands. And she couldn’t even consider getting into her BMW 5 series to get to work. She had leather interior. As bill was beginning to wake up, the first thing he noticed upon waking up was the distinct smell that swirled around the house. He couldn’t decipher if he was crazy or there was a party going on. He walk down to the kitchen to find a giant fully blossomed and plucked bud sitting at his table. Bill adored Acid, but hadn’t touched the stuff in years. He said nothing at first, then ran to fetch his favorite bong. He wasn’t going to let a deal like this pass him by. As he approached Janet from behind, he reached out and grabbed a gigantic fluffy and sticky chunk from Janet’s head area. Bill took the chunk and placed it into his deep bowl. He ignited a flame slowly to the bowl and thought he heard screaming for a moment. It was good shit.