Two of a Kind

Shabeg S. Sekhon
Two of a Kind
He never thought his day could get any worse or embarrassing that night, but as soon as Mohinderpal Ramagurupatimurthy trudged up the stairs to get into his small, rat infested apartment, he had a bad feeling about how this night would end. He reached the hallway to his apartment. The floor was a 1970’s green and the wallpaper was bright pink to emphasize the mismatch. The doors to every apartment were shaking from the voices of their residents and nothing was kept secret. When he finally reached the end of the hallway he tip toed to the front of his door. He tried to make as little noise as possible so that Tanya, the woman that lived across from him wouldn’t hear him turn the key. He put the key in the key hole so it wouldn’t scrape the sides but his fumbling cost him and Tanya soon cried out
“Ey yo is that Moondo, my baby Moondo is back.” Mohinderpal forgot about being quiet and hastily got into his apartment and tried not to make a sound. He looked into the peep hole and prayed that Tanya wouldn’t come out and knock on his door, but considering how his day was going, she of course opened up and banged on his door. The door shook violently and scared him as he continued to look at Tanya. She was a very large black woman with a powerful voice, her eyes were wide and were almost always frightening, her teeth looked like the bars in a jail cell and her hair was kept in a bun on the top of her head. She was wearing a bright blue muumuu and had a string of green pearls laced around her strong large neck.
“Hey, Moondo, nigga don’t be trying to front like you ain’t in there cause I saw you motha fucka, I saw your scrawny little Indian ass walk on in that doe, now open up, I wanna talk to you.” Mohinderpal continued to look and thought about waiting her out, but he knew from experience how persistent she was and tried to make it seem as if he were sleeping when he let her in.
“Oh Tanya, I did not know that jou[1] vere[2] knocking on my door, jou just voke[3] me up from a little nap I vas[4] having.”
“Nigga who you tryin to play, I saw yo ass walk in just now from work.” Mohinderpal knew he was beaten and quickly shrunk his shoulders in defeat.
“Olright fine, vut[5] is it that jou vant[6].”
“Can I not see how my baby is doin damn, all I wanna do is talk to you nigga,”
“Tanya please, I just came back from verk[7] and I am bery[8] tired and I just vant to relax tonat[9].” Tanya moved around his apartment as though she didn’t hear him. She went to his fridge and looked to see if he had any food and became upset from the lack of options. Mohinderpal tried to close the door on her but her strength made his efforts utterly useless.
“Now I see why yo little ass is so damn scrawny, nigga you ain’t got nothing to eat in here except some funky smelling paste and some yogurt. Motha fucka, you ain’t even got Pepsi in this god damn fridge.”
“I Vanted to go to the market today but I thought about going out tonat.” The moment he said this he felt as though he made a huge mistake. Tanya’s eyes lit up as she closed the door to the fridge to look at Mohinderpal.
“We goin out tonight, aight baby where are we goin,”
“uh, actually I think I just may go vatch[10] an Indian film instead.”
“Ok, cool, when are we going.” Shocked by this Mohinderpal had nothing else to say, he thought for certain that the mention of a really bad Indian movie would turn her off completely, but it didn’t, her eyes were still lit with the joy that she would finally leave her cramped apartment.
“Vell[11], ok jou go get ready and I vill[12] meet jou in ten minutes.”
“I’m already ready, I ain’t tryin to impress nobody.” Mohinderpal said ten minutes and half an hour later they left to go to the movie theatre.
While at the movies Mohinderpal realized that he was with Tanya, an American woman, in a theatre full of Indians. Eyes fell upon him like waves hitting the sand on a beach, whispers swirled about him as he bought two tickets for himself and what looked to them to be an American prostitute. He never raised his head once while in that theatre. Tanya, on the other hand, felt completely at home. She waived at little children tugging on their mothers sari’s and complimented some of the men on the color of their turbans. And even though she had no idea what the hell was happening during the movie she was enthralled with what was going on. After the movie Mohinderpal hurried to get to the car but Tanya got lost in the theatre and it took them twenty minutes to leave. On their way home Tanya suggested they go to a little soul food joint that was still open, Mohinderpal refused at first because he knew he would have to pay for the three meals she would order, but after a little bickering between them, they stopped off to get something to eat.
The soul food joint was alive with people and music. Tanya grabbed Mohinderpal’s hand and practically dragged him inside. When they walked in the front door everyone in the place stopped to get a look at the couple that just walked in. And after they all noticed Tanya, Mohinderpal was cool. Tanya ate baby-back ribs, some waffles, baked macaroni and cheese, and some fried bananas for dessert while Mohinderpal ate a side dish of mashed potatoes and a little piece of chicken. When they were both finished with their meal Tanya picked Mohinderpal up from his seat and placed him on the dance floor. He tried the best he could do but Tanya was too much for him. Exhausted and barely breathing, he finally convinced her to go home.
When they got back to the hallway of their apartments, Mohinderpal asked Tanya if she wanted to go up on the roof and star gaze. She said yes and they took turns taking the rusted ladder up. As they were looking into the stars Mohinderpal stopped and looked at Tanya.
“Jou know, I have never vonce[13] eaten soul food before in my entirely life.”
“Yeah well I ain’t seen no bollywood film either.”
“Jes[14], it was fun to see people think that jou vere my wife.”
“yeah, it was also fun tryin to see yo ass do a jig, I ain’t never seen no Indian man do that before, but you did alright.”
“Jes, jou know I try.” The two continued to look into the night sky amidst the clamor going on beneath them.
“Jou know Tanya, I have only been in this country for two months now, and I don’t really know anybody, but I guess I vant to tell you, I am happy to be living next to you.”
“Ahh baby, ain’t you cute knowin how to talk to a woman. Well baby, I got you, you know that?’
“Jes, I guess so.”
“yeah, you know, in this crazy ass world we be livin in, it feels good to have somebody, and you got me baby, and I got you right?”
“Jes, jou have me Tanya, but then again, do I even have a choice?”
“naw, not really, we’re just two inseparable, we’re two of a kind.” The two continued to look up as their hands inched closer towards each other’s. Then, after their fingers touched Tanya grabbed Mohinderpal and snuggly fit him on her left side. They were outside all night together, and Mohinderpal was happy that his gut feeling earlier in the day didn’t come true.


[1] You

[2] were
[3] woke
[4] was
[5] what
[6] want
[7] work
[8] very
[9] tonight
[10] watch
[11] well
[12] will
[13] once
[14] yes