The Gun

It's not easy to turn down an offer when a gun is pointed at your temple. It's tempting, though, if it's 5 a.m. and you have work in two hours.
Yeah, the situation I'm in is irritating. I mean, it didn't use to be so bad, but it's gotten to the point where I think his motive is to irritate me. It's one thing, at lunch time, to say, "Get me a pack of cigarettes!" It's another to wake me up at 5 a.m., pistol to the head, demanding a blue polka-dotted shower cap. I swear I heard him stifle a laugh when I was leaving the house that morning.
It all came about very suddenly. Came home from painting houses one evening, and a man with a pistol was sitting on my living room couch. Hell, it scared me. He waved that motherfucker around in the air for quite some time, screaming things, saying the f-word a lot - he never really said what he wanted, though. So after he was done shooting up pillows and I was done pissing in my pants, I dropped to the floor, put my hands over my head and asked him what he wanted. I'm pretty sure I was crying.
It took him a while to answer. There I was, shaking on all fours, and what was he doing? Probably scratching his dumbass head, wondering what it was he should make me do. Maybe he thought to himself, "Shit. Gun = power!"
He finally helped me up, gave me five dollars, and asked me to go to 711 and get him a bag of Doritos, one Milky-Way, a carton of mint and chip ice cream and a Diet Coke.
I didn't think about his request at all. I memorized it, got a speeding ticket on the way to the store, and came back about 40 minutes later with everything he had asked for, two dimes and three pennies.
When I asked him again what it was that he wanted, his answer was more prompt. "I want to live here," he said. "I am going to eat your food, shower in your bathroom and watch your t.v."
I didn't really have a say in the matter. What would you have done? Said no? The man had a gun, for chrissake!
It's irritating, doing whatever he says. He's totally unfair about it, too. I mean, at first, it was okay. He even fed the dog once in a while. Now, though, he's totally taking advantage of me. It's like, it's like he takes this situation for granted. It's like he doesn't realize he just got lucky, and shouldn't abuse his power.
Not like he'll listen to me, though.
...
Where do they sell guns?