The Eater
Two years ago, Franny used her sparkling smile and tiny waist to get elected as the student body president. Although her smile remains, that tiny waist of hers is gone, along with the security that came with it.
Two years ago, Franny was new to college and open to suggestions. Her father suggested joining a variety of clubs and performing in the play, which would secure her socially and emotionally. Franny thought this a good suggestion, and began contacting school organizations immediately.
Before even moving into the dorm, Franny had secured an executive position in the Photography Club and had plans to go to basketball tryouts the following week. Her waist was tiny. She made a conscious decision to eat more, in hopes of looking like a dominating force on the court.
A month after her first classes started, Franny was relatively satisfied with the social progress she had made, but felt she would be happier with a wider variety of friends. At this point she chose to run for President, a change - she thought - that would surely be an improvement.
As said before, her tiny waist didn't hurt her image at all. Not only did the boys find her attractive, the girls found her interesting and very amiable. Franny won with almost unanimous votes, and held a pizza party to celebrate. She was awfully hungry.
With her new status as President, Franny became an even hotter commodity. People called her, invited her to parties, and, naturally, wanted to eat with her at lunch. And because she was so amiable (and really, terribly hungry), she would take pains to eat lunch with at least five or six different groups of people every day.
Within a fairly short period of time, Franny was beginning to notice her waistline expanding. Her thighs were getting bigger, too. Even though she was already on the basketball team, she figured joining another sport couldn't hurt her social status or her body size.
Unfortunately, joining the lacrosse team didn't help her lose weight. She was eating more than ever, and now was gaining 2-3 pounds a day. She wasn’t making any social connections, either. Nobody particularly wanted to hang out with the fat chick.
Despite her intense physical activity, Franny couldn't stop ballooning up. Now, instead of five or six separate lunches, she was constantly eating. If there was more than could fit on her plate, she would stick the cupcakes in her pockets, the sandwiches in her backpack, the watermellon in her purse.
Franny was no longer happy. She had joined clubs, been a part of two sport teams, was the student body president, spent all her time on various obligations... and for what? Nobody treated her like they used to. She used to make people feel alive - now she just disgusted them.
Terrified, she made arrangements to fly home. Her father always had good suggestions.
3 comments:
Hey Kelly- I'm not sure if it was the effect you were going for, but your story reads like a newspaper article; it's very "factual" with a "reporting" sort of tone. It comes across as kind of dry for that: could you somehow show your protagonist's joy at her newfound success, and likewise her anguish when she is rejected, instead of simply telling us about it?
Kelly, I agree...perhaps you should start with a particular moment...for example, she realized she did not want to stop eating when she saw...then describe her emotions what went through her head. you can tie this into your metaphor at the end...but engage your reader with moments rather then summarize your characters actions
Athough the story seems a bit methodical, you could liven it up by decribing an emotion your character has, instead of simply just say she is for example happy. Write in detail how she is when she gets happy. Does she have dimples when she smiles? Let the reader know intimate details about her, and that will be what will draw them in. Nice twist in the end!
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